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ATTENTION WALMART SHOPPERS
1. Get boxes of adult diapers & randomly put them in peoples' carts when
they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on
the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code blue
in house wares," and see what happens.
5. Put some M&M's on lay away.
6. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet
areas.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the
bedding department.
8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone."
9.
Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. Dart around suspiciously while
humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
11. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti-depressants are.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13.
Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!"
14. When an announcement comes
over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go to the fitting room
and yell real loud....."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"
The Ghost Crap
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An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests,
the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest
was another, and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain
rational. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A
drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.
He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly,
which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a
security guard, who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck was that all about?"
Still
staring down, the drunk replied... "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost!"
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HELLO MOTHER, HELLO FATHER!
Our scout master told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV
and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we
were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He
can't write because of the injury.
I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would
have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it
was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up?
The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his
hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the
wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that a car that old you have to expect something to break
down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and
if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty got with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding
in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only
lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.
This
morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I
can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of him cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great.
You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some Scoutmasters.
He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause
him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed out first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his
arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning
from the leftover chicken, he said they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became
our Scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time.
I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.
Love,
Joe
P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?
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